How to Deal with Angry Callers

It is very difficult to deal with someone who is angry or upset on the phone. You can’t see a face. You can’t read the body language. You can’t put a comforting arm around someone’s shoulders. And when all this is happening in a foreign language, it is even worse.

Here is a five-stage process you can use when you need to calm someone down.

1. Encourage your caller to let off steam

If people are angry or hurt, they want you to know about it. They want to express their emotions. They will not listen to you until they have told you how they feel. At this point, your job is to encourage them to release all their negative feelings. Encourage them to keep talking until they run out of steam. When you are face-to-face with someone, you can nod, shake your head, lean forward and have eye contact. On the phone, you have to use your voice and encouraging words:

• “I see.”
• “Tell me more.”
• “I am not sure I understand.”
• “Could you explain that to me again?”

You can encourage the caller to keep talking with words and phrases like “yes”, “no”, “Did you?”, “Was it?”, “Why was that?”

2. Share people’s concerns

This means you need to show empathy with their situation. You do not have to agree with what they are saying, but you can show clearly that you accept that the other person is upset. You can say things like:

• “I see what you mean.”
• “I understand why you feel the way you do.”
• “I’d probably feel the same if…”
• “I am sorry that happened to you.”

The more empathy you can show, the more likely it is that the other person will start to listen to you.

3. Get to the cause of the problem

At this point, your caller has expressed his feelings and feels you understand his situation. One sign of this on the phone is that the caller falls silent. Now you can ask rational questions and offer logical suggestions without emotions getting in the way. Use expressions such as:

• “May I ask some questions at this point?”
• “Correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t this a question of…?”

4. Problem solving

The best way to solve problems is to do it together and to reach a consensus. Share ideas with the caller:

• “Let’s look at the different possibilities together.”
• “Shall we brainstorm some solutions together?”
• “So, what do you suggest?”

5. Act immediately

Once you have agreed on the solutions, decide who should do what. Summarize what you have agreed:

• “So, we have agreed on the following…”
• “So, what we have said is…”

Then make an action plan:

• “We have decided what should be done. Let’s now decide on who does what, by when.”

And that’s it. The problem is over. So, the next time the phone rings and someone starts shouting at you or crying don’t be nervous. Use the five stage process to deal with this difficult situation.